Braces — My Story | Humor

Braces — My Story
By Amelia Chameleon

16 Jul 2003 – I have a story of braces that I would like to share. While growing up I had an obsessive-compulsive disorder which caused me to suck on warm, hard, moist, cylindrical-shaped, and rounded-on-top items. As I got older and my mouth got bigger I would look for bigger things to stick in my mouth and suck. My parents did not know what to do with me, as I was just coming to the age of adolescence and they were worried about who and what I was sucking on.

Finally, when I was 15 and after coming home with bleeding and cracked lips, especially in the corners, my parents took me to an orthodontist and requested metal braces be put on my teeth. They thought that braces would make my mouth become so sore I would not want to suck on things or that the metal brackets that were cemented on my teeth and entwined in wires would scare people off from putting their thing in my mouth. I do not think that my parents realized the cost of this because they had to sell some jewelry and a car to pay for these hideous-looking, light-reflecting, cemented-on braces.

To my surprise, it must have been the way the light reflected off of them or something, because people I did not even know were requesting that I suck on their thing, and when I did I could see, hear, and taste the pleasure they were experiencing, which also gave me pleasure. But when I looked into my parents’ eyes and saw the despair, feeling them glare at my cracked, burning, and bleeding lips, I felt a great need to help them pay for these shiny metal braces that were fulfilling my obsessive-compulsive disorder. So, I decided since everyone that I sucked on loved it so much and I was getting a lot of referrals, to charge people 25-dollars each time.

Needless to say, in a matter of a couple weeks I saved up 3,500 dollars and one day while eating supper with my parents (I had to drink it through a straw because my mouth was so sore from all the business), I gave them the money that I had made to help pay for this precious metal that was in my mouth. Of course they wanted to know how I got all that money, so I was honest and told them.

The next morning when I woke up for school I was very groggy and when I ran my tongue around my teeth (a habit I developed to clean out the pubic hairs) I noticed that this precious metal no longer resided in my mouth. My parents had drugged me and took my braces off. As I went downstairs for breakfast it came to my great surprise that my father had put my braces on his teeth. I guess that obsessive-compulsive disorder must run in the family because my dad started raking in the cash.

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