Acceptance of Social Anxiety | Humor

Acceptance of Social Anxiety
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

May 03, 2006 – If you suffer from social anxiety, then you are among the millions who have been told by your doctor that you’re abnormal and need medication. If you prefer alternative treatment, then this article is recommended reading. If you get bored and fall asleep by the second paragraph, then it will just be light reading.

Avoidance of social situations can be a positive reaction to feelings of insecurity. It indicates some level of intelligence. You’ve probably learned from past experiences that you’ll be scorned or shunned from society for being different. Idiots, however, will keep talking to people, never learning that they are not wanted.

Moving frequently throughout my childhood, I learned how to not make friends for very long, and how to not form healthy relationships. Having a lack of healthy relationships as a child means that as an adult, I’m much better at playing video games. An arcade is a great place to form bonds and make new friends. After you’ve accomplished socializing in the arcade, go home and look back fondly on all the good times and social experiences you had earlier that night. Be assured that the next time you go to the arcade it will be rich with experiences and new people who share similar interests. You’ll never see those people again, but always cherish those memories and look forward to meeting new people the next time you have a roll of quarters bulging in your pants.

Historically speaking, many great accomplishments have been achieved by people who had a mental illness and/or suffered from social anxiety. If you are a mentally ill person with a high IQ, it’s important that you help in the advancement of civilization. The following are some suggestions to get you started: poetry, art, culture, technology. If you’re mentally ill with an IQ that’s above average, it’s important that you change the world with some of the latter-mentioned accomplishments. Unfortunately, a possibility exists that you’ll be prevented from a great destiny by your anxiety, concentration, and fatigue. If that’s the case, you’ll merely be a weirdo with a pocket full of quarters for the arcade and poorly-written prescriptions while moving about in your social circles.

If you find yourself in a social situation, don’t panic. Just be yourself. Don’t be afraid to fidget your extremities, but don’t fidget so much that other people get scared. Stutter a bit while you’re speaking. Walk away in the middle of a sentence and come back a few seconds later. People are generally good-natured and compassionate; they will either appreciate your honesty or feel sorry for you and offer you a cookie, or the telephone number of a crisis clinic.

Social contact with one’s family is sometimes complex and causes anxiety. If you haven’t talked to your parents in a while, give them a call — it’s good practice for the times during which you socialize with people who don’t love you and aren’t afraid to humiliate you. Sometimes it won’t be a good experience, but put your failures behind you (where everybody else is talking about you, behind your back). Personally, I recently had a negative experience while practicing talking with my mother. She was expressing positive sentiment about my birthday, but suddenly she demanded I pay her nine months back rent for residing in her womb, and she also requested extra monetary compensation for the food I ingested during my stay. I was taken aback by her verbal invoice, and thought I had done something wrong again while attempting human social contact. A few seconds of thought later, I aggressively reminded her that I never signed a lease, and I’ll never pay for food through a straw unless it’s a root beer float.

( Revision and minor edits made on Jul 6, 2008 )