By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions
December 31, 2008
I enjoy watching television, but sometimes I must limit myself. Subtle changes in my behavior and social skills have appeared recently. To benefit mankind I’m issuing this document as a warning on how to detect potential negative changes in your personality and how you communicate with other humans.
Three days ago my friend Depressed Dave asked me what my plans were for the weekend. I slowly raised my head, looked him in the eye and in a deep, scratchy voice I replied, “Plans? My plans will be revealed in due course. For now, be assured that once executed my schemes will bring forth everything we have ever dreamed of; the fruit born will be sweeter than you could ever imagine; and the way we view a sunrise will be forever altered.”
Yesterday my sister Anxious Amy asked me where I was planning to have supper. A clever smile came upon my lips and I answered, “I have but one overpowering desire, and that is to taste the salty flesh of a well-cooked mammal, smother it with gravy, and bear down upon its leg with my well-honed teeth.”
My dentist’s office called earlier today to confirm an appointment. I laughed maniacally and loudly proclaimed, “I am here now! Come at me with your diabolical drill of death, for I shall not lay down and cower like a scared rodent! All at your office will understand the dire consequences of attacking a brave warrior as I obliterate your radiation machine, drain the energy from your drills, and feast upon your gels!”
I can only hope that my readers can benefit from my knowledge and poor experience relating to people. Obviously certain television shows will have different effects upon a person’s psyche. My point is clear, however, and I caution thee to avoid dangers where they may lurk, be they on television or within the confines of a dark, mysterious movie theater. Thou must be ever cautious, suspicious, and ready to defend thyself from monstrosities waiting to destroy you, your mind, and your goals for world domination.
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