By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions
March 1, 2009
It may seem strange reading this on my blog, but I wanted to take the time to write about all the good that medications can do, and their positive effects. Some people may think that my brain has been affected by subliminal messages in the manufacturers’ advertisements, but because I’m currently consuming and withdrawing from all of these pharmaceutical drugs outlined below, I’m reasonably confident that my head is clear and my mind as sane as it ever was.
Effexor effectively treats my symptoms, and is effective at treating everything the manufacturer claims it can treat.
Wellbutrin makes me feel well, generally speaking.
Ambien surrounds me with a pleasant ambience, so I feel calm and relaxed, allowing me to sleep normally and naturally at night.
Abilify has the ability to magnify or amplify my mood so I’ll feel full of life.
Pristiq has a certain mystique about it, making its wondrous caresses feel magical while it mystically heals my soul.
Zoloft has sent my low mood aloft so I don’t feel down anymore.
Taking Celexa once a day in the morning helps to put me in a celebratory mood so I can properly party at night.
There’s also nothing I can say against Prozac or Lexapro. I’m definitely not anti-Prozac or anti-Lexapro. But I would never take a pill called Negzac or Lexaneg. Lexapro of course is the professional version of Celexa, and should never be prescribed to amateurs. Many protons are built into the “pro” version of those drugs; protons are always positively charged, which means a person can only have a positive experience. Rarely — if at all — a negative reaction may encounter a positive reaction, but that would only form a neutral result, which is always harmless.
—
Disclaimer: The preceding article was a fictitious (not real, untrue, devoid of facts, false, wrong, misleading, deviant, dishonest, conflicted to reality, illusory, imprecise, inaccurate) piece of work. It was funded in part by viewers like you, the Democratic National Committee, and the Republican National committee. Ralph Nader does not approve of this work of fiction (lie, falsehood, inconsistent facts, insincerity, negligence, irresponsibility). Any resemblance to persons mentioned, both living or dead — including me — is entirely coincidental. Reading this may have caused diarrhea, constipation, stimulation, sleepiness, excitement, sexual arousal, sexual dysfunction, boredom, suicidal thoughts, lack of suicidal thoughts, love of life, or love of death. If you’ve experienced serious adverse reactions you’re out of luck due to the disclaimer being placed at the bottom instead of the top.
personally I think the casual passer by will think you are on all these drugs!
dry, dry, dry….
hope you had a happy day the other day Andy!
Gianna, thanks, yes I did have a happy birthday with family and with a friend. And then people called or sent me tidings of comfort and joy.
I have accepted your feedback on this article with open fingers and added a disclaimer to the bottom of this article. Now people can be fully aware of how completely dishonest I truly am.
But seriously, I suppose there is a chance my post could be misinterpreted. A few days ago someone left a comment on my article Acceptance of Social Anxiety:
So I suppose from now on I may add my new disclaimer to everything I write or say, including comments on your blog.
Gianna, I forgot to point out that I had tagged this post as humor, and categorized it under flash fiction.
I just want to know how much did you receive to write the article.
Andy! Promoting all these drugs would make a big amount of money and I believe that it will be hard to have another chance like that.
I envy you!
Do you believe I still have time to the subliminal, I mean, to write about the serious harms, I mean, the seriou…
WOW!
Now I see that it requires a 190 IQ to make such a thing.
LOL!
Thanks Andy.
You did put a smile on my face.
My IQ isn’t near 190, I don’t actually know what it is, but probably closer to 190 backwards.
I’m glad I could put a smile on your face, where it belongs.
Andy. Cool. Thanks! I just got back from my psychiatrist, and I asked him for samples of all of these drugs. I have taken one of each and I’ve never felt better! I will always be indebted to you for sharing this information with me. Please know that I do trust that you know what you are talking about and know lots of stuff about almost everything… unlike that mean person who left the nasty comment. I think that was either Stan or Nancy Pelosi… or it could have been Hugo Chavez… Seems like something he would do…
BTW – one more thing… the comment you left on Susan’s Spongebob post had me rolling in the aisles.
P.S. I seldom read to the bottom of anything. So I want you to know that I am sure there was nothing important like a disclaimer at the end of your post. Again, thanks for the all of your recommendations and nifty pharmacological description of all those meds. I’ll let you know how they all work for me!
Pete, it would be fun to trade quips with you, and to take all your money and worldly possessions, and probably to get drunk with you (even though I don’t drink anymore). I would be writing a lot more if weren’t for this nasty, chronic pain in my back, hands and arms.
But I’m glad you enjoyed my commentary on Spongebob’s Bipolar disorder, and thanks for your comments on this article. Glad you could take time out from your mafia duties to read this, and when you get back to your Congressional page duties I hope you’ll still have time to waste reading my site.
As for your humor and comments, most welcome here anytime. I’ve linked to you and will eventually wind up commenting at your site when I’m better recovered. I’ve cut way back on the amount of writing and commenting for the time being.