I Think I’ve Got That New Disease I’ve Seen Advertised

I Think I’ve Got That New Disease I’ve Seen Advertised
By Kieron Mcfadden

To: Lucifer Beelzebub, CEO, Grimm Reaper Pharmaceuticals.
From: Ruth Less, CEO. Ruth Less Disease Promotions Inc

Dear Mr. Beelzebub,

Are you looking for a way to monetize the green goo your research labs concocted last year but no-one has yet found a use for?

Well, have no fear because here at Disease Promotions Inc, we have the solution!!

If you have several tons of nondescript fluid taking up space in the warehouse, don’t rush to dump it because you may well be dumping a fortune in easy profits. The good news is, you can recycle your green goo into greenbacks! All you need is some intelligent marketing and single-minded dedication to the art of making money from old rope.

Let us package, promote and market your goo for you, using the latest breakthrough in pharmaceutical marketing: ADE, the Animal Disease Epidemic.

UPDATE ON the Mental Health Humor: Cartoon-a-thon

——– Original Message ——–

Subject: UPDATE ON the Mental Health Humor: Cartoon-a-thon
To: Andy Alt
Date: Wed, 27 May 2009 12:50:36 -0400
From: Chato B. Stewart
Organization: Mental Health humor

Dear Peer, Provider or Caregiver,

Wow, what a great Mental Health Awareness month! This year so many
people are really putting in a lot of effort from the DBSA, NAMI and
many other organizations like Mental Health America and also not to for
get many of our peers and their individual efforts.

The Mental Health Humor Cartoon-A-Thon is a free and fun project to use
humor as a coping skill. Each day during the month I’ve volunteered to
draw one cartoon. Now we have 26 new cartoons for this month to use
humor to bring awareness to many different mental health issues. It’s
meant to use positive humor as a way to cope with our serious disorders.

The Couple’s Delight and the Giant’s Regret

The Couple’s Delight and the Giant’s Regret
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

Tue February 10, 2009

Once upon a great long time ago there was sand upon the land. The ground wasn’t so far away, and upon that dirt there was a man who stood upright, as most men do, when they’re not drunk or taking a bath. He looked about the sky for the sun and soon found it, hanging there like a demented moon who thinks she’s a sun. After the man found the sun using his eyes, he realized that in the past he’d made wiser choices than looking at something so very bright and painfully blinding.

As with all wise men, he quickly learned from his mistake, and because he was blind and wise, he never bothered himself to look at the sun again.

A few days after some clocks changed hands, he was cured of his blindness by magical forces and technology from the future.

April Fools Day Gifts

April Fools Day Gifts
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

March 19, 2009

Welcome to the Mental Dimensions gift shop. Here, you’ll find unique ways to entertain and delight yourself at the expense of other people and their sanity. These presents are sure to satisfy the most sadistic needs of April Fools Day gift-givers. Your purchase is guaranteed* or your money back**.

Statue of Liberty
The Statue of Liberty is a very popular gift; the first of which was a present from France to the United States (the rumors that it was re-gifted and was originally a gift from Norway to France have never been proved). The original is not available through Mental Dimensions, but an actual-size, genuine replica[1] can be shipped directly to your victim. Placement of their new Statue of Liberty[2] will create a logistical nightmare which will cause them to wake up screaming for many years to come. They’ll tremble with fear as they realize they’ll be forced into giving up every spare piece of acreage on their property. If they still don’t have enough room, then that makes your gift even more delightful, putting your friends or relatives into the awkward position of risking insulting you by refusing your generous gift. You’ll find it hard to hold back your giggling as you watch them stutter, sweat, and squirm as they attempt to politely tell you, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Blasphology 1105

By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

March 8, 2009

On the planet Earth, there are millions of animal species. Of these millions, only humans are silly enough to think they can change the time of day using a law, and only humans are foolish enough to believe any such change took place. Extraterrestrial aliens are looking down on us right now saying, “Daylight Savings Time? What the fuck?”

Blasphology 1104

By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

March 7, 2009

Creating and living in your own reality is like having an advanced security system installed in your home; but instead of only preventing intruders from entering, it will also prevent you from exiting.

Blasphology 1103

By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

March 7, 2009

If you don’t wish to be victimized by your children then don’t give them your new home address when you move.

My desire to promote psychiatric medication and their positive effects

By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

March 1, 2009

It may seem strange reading this on my blog, but I wanted to take the time to write about all the good that medications can do, and their positive effects. Some people may think that my brain has been affected by subliminal messages in the manufacturers’ advertisements, but because I’m currently consuming and withdrawing from all of these pharmaceutical drugs outlined below, I’m reasonably confident that my head is clear and my mind as sane as it ever was.

Effexor effectively treats my symptoms, and is effective at treating everything the manufacturer claims it can treat.

Wellbutrin makes me feel well, generally speaking.

Ambien surrounds me with a pleasant ambience, so I feel calm and relaxed, allowing me to sleep normally and naturally at night.