Google Attempts to Acquire itself, Shares Plummet

Google Attempts to Acquire itself, Shares Plummet
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

Mon Dec 1, 2008 3:38pm PST

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA (Mental Dimensions) – The market lost confidence in Google (GOOG) today after a press release announced Google failed in a takeover bid to acquire Google. A spokesman for the Internet giant apologized publicly for the error, and assured investors the cause would be addressed by the end of the next trading day.

Google is best known for its search engine and its benevolent goal to own everything on the Internet by using smiles and handshakes.

Atmospheric Disturbance is Disturbing Me, and I’m Buying Junk to Stimulate the Economy | Non Humor

Atmospheric Disturbance is Disturbing Me, and I’m Buying Junk to Stimulate the Economy
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

Aug 26, 2008 – I don’t watch much television anymore, but there are still a few sitcoms I enjoy watching when I’d like to veg out. A few minutes ago, I logged off the Internet to watch an episode of Cheers on KSTC45. My new DTV converter box works well enough, it’s my reception that disturbs me. There must be some atmospheric disturbance tonight, for many nights I can receive Cheers, and also Friends (though Friends on KSTC seems to be cutting out around 10:30pm more frequently the last few weeks).

Why You Really Need Quantum Theory

Why You Really Need Quantum Theory
By Duncan Kelly

The cool thing about quantum theory, is that you can now prove your off the wall theories with science.

For example, if an object travels at close to the speed of light, it actually, physically gets shorter. So if your car is too long for your short little garage, get it up to close to the speed of light, and it will fit in! (Briefly, that is)

But wait! It gets better! Because traveling at close to light speeds also shortens time. In fact, when you get to the speed of light, time stops altogether and then starts going backwards, so that you can get back before you left, and watch yourself going. It’s at this point of the discussion that my wife normally goes to make coffee, and she doesn’t come back!

Commentary One: Speaking of Meditation and Computer and Internet Addiction

Commentary One: Speaking of Meditation and Computer and Internet Addiction
By hungrybritain

[The following commentary was written in response to Speaking of Meditation and Computer and Internet Addiction]

Aug 6, 2008 – I have been increasingly troubled by my internet addiction. At first it didn’t seem so much as an addiction as an enjoyable pastime then slowly but surely I began to see even the most menial task on the Net as having way too much importance in my life. While spending more than 10 hours a day on the Internet I began to realise that actually I could only get less than half the things done that I used to. Productivity and work are all suffering not to mention my relationship with my wife.

Problematic 6000

Problematic 6000
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions, Co-Edited By Story Charms

08 Jan 2006

The Problematic 6000 is especially designed with innovation in mind. This device was created to help a person create problems, rather than solve them. Is there someone in your life who has betrayed you, or wronged you in any way imaginable? Once you turn this device on, it automatically reads your mind using advanced telepathic bio-circuitry, and immediately searches your conscious, unconscious, and subconscious mind for the person who most deserves to incur your wrath.

On Switch, Off Switch | Humor

On Switch, Off Switch
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions, Co-Edited By Story Charms

14 Oct 2005 – I don’t like being mentally ill because it means that sometimes my mind can’t understand things as well as healthy minds. I know that I am inferior to the big Incorporated Corporated Conglomerated Companies who are successful and whose minds are not ill. Personally, I don’t think of myself as being mentally ill, but rather I have a brain that has a mild cold or is allergic to normalcy.

HOWTO: Transfer Important Calls to /dev/null

HOWTO: Transfer Important Calls to /dev/null
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

25 Sep 2005

Switching phone companies is on my list of things to do. I wrote the list, and have named it my ‘to-do’ list. It’s only a working title, but the plot of the list is weak so I’m not going to spend much time on the title. Before I digress from my own thoughts and fall asleep, I’m going to focus on the phone company thing; for my call is very important to them. I called a potential phone company today, and planned to offer them the privilege of having me for a customer. I felt that they would be quite intrigued at the prospect of exploiting me — I never got past the automated system prompts. First I was informed by that sexy bitch of a recording that there were no available operators.

Citizens of SimCity Applaud Evolution of SimNation

Citizens of SimCity Applaud Evolution of SimNation
By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions

31 Oct 2003

Last week I had the opportunity to ride along with a SimPolice Officer during a routine patrol. I wanted to get some comments about some of the changes that have occurred over the past 200 years in SimGovernment and SimSociety.

Here’s what SimBarbara had to say:

“We feel the SimDeclaration of Independence just isn’t relevant anymore to society’s needs. Now that we are largely dependent on the Internet, electricity, and gasoline, the old-fashioned standards from 1776 and our SimForefathers don’t really apply in today’s SimCulture. Since trillions of dollars have been spent on roads and bridges during the SimTransit system construction (and trillions more will be spent on maintenance), we are obligated to use cars and move far away from family and friends. Using this mode of transport, we can then at a later time take advantage of the SimAirport once every couple of years. We don’t miss our friends and family because we have the Internet and electricity.